The Hardest Task
by The Meeg
Summary: She couldn’t help crying, it was ridiculous.Even now, after all she had seen it really was pathetic. Nins don’t cry. They hold it together even during the worst times.Sakura struggles with the call of duty when she knows it will hurt those dearest to her.


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**Authors Note:**

**Originally a one shot, spawned into something more.**

**Slightly AU, Sasuke has returned, Sakura is working as a medi-nin, poor decisions have left Naruto on the run as a missing nin.**

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She couldn't help crying, it was ridiculous. Even now, after all she had seen it really was ridiculous. Nins don't cry. They hold it together even during the worst times. That's what they do. She managed to keep some semblance of dignity together whilst inside the hospital as she checked out her ticket and stumbled out onto the street. Tears started spilling over as she picked up her speed as she headed for home, too exhausted to use any of her chakra, she settled for running as fast as her weary bones would carry her.

'**_Uhhh'. Blinking. The man is waking up. That makes it harder; when unconscious you can pretend it's not him. _**

**_'__uhh..uh…..AHHH' the pain dawns on him, like some sort of cruel joke, hiding in wait. He screams, screams until he his hoarse, then he whimpers. Mutter comforting nothings as you work, fine fine all will be fine. What a lie. You like to lie to your friends Haruno? Tell them sweet nothings? It won't be ok._**

She doesn't see anyone on her way home, or if she does the tears blur them beyond all recognition. With eyes streaming, breathless and throat burning, she fumbles her house keys as she lets herself in as she reaches her apartment. Throwing off her shoes, she staggers to the kitchen fetches a bottle and downing a massive mouthful of amber liquid slowly sinks down against the cupboard until she is curled in on herself. Swig, cough, the liquor is strong, sobs, curses herself for being so weak, repeat.

_**The pain is going now, you do your job well, chakra crawling through his system, deadening the receptors, healing burnt tissue, reconnecting tendons and threading bones back together. His whimpering starts to slow, and his eyes flutter, opening again, this time focusing, focusing on you.**_

**'_S-Sakura?' he recognises you. You have nothing to say. He stares at you for a while, then exhaustion takes him and he falls back to into unconsciousness._**

She's still curled up against the kitchen cupboard when they find her later. In her own little cocoon of inebriation, she barely notices someone enter the house. Soon though a man is before her, kneeling, staring at her with confusion, then black eyes narrow in comprehension.

'Sakura…you're drunk' it's not a question, but a statement full of condescending disgust.

_Always so perfect, too perfect Sasuke_. She wants to tell him to leave her alone, she is allowed to drink, she's old enough, and she has her reasons….the reasons, they come flooding back and with them come the tears. Flowing fast and freely yet Sasuke does nothing. Then he is gone from her vision, there is the sound of the front door slamming, then silence. She cries and cries, as if she is going to get rid of everything she is in that stream of liquid. She lets herself lay on the floor, and the cool tiles catch her tears like the lover that she wishes Sasuke could be for her….and just as cold. The door opens again but she is too far gone now to care. Strong arms scoop her from the floor and cradle her to their chest; they smell of pine needles, sandalwood with a hint of dog…. Sensei. He whispers sweet comforting nothings, as she did for the man _oh…that man, does Kakashi sensei know they have him?_ Her sensei carries her through the house to her bed, placing her beneath the covers and leans over her, tells her it will all be alright, wipes away her tears with one calloused thumb and after lifting his headband he holds her face gently but firmly so she finds herself staring into his eye, next thing she knows she is falling into a deep sleep, wonderfully free of her nightmares.

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A headache awaits her when she is dragged back to consciousness. It takes a moment for her to gather her bearings, still in clothes from the day before, smells strongly of spirits, then her focus is drawn to her nightstand where a blue alarm clock is beeping shrilly. She glares at it for a moment; did she even own an alarm clock? Snatching it from the nightstand she turns it off as quickly as she is able, head protesting the whole time. She is about to resort to the 'throw it against a wall until it shuts up' method when the beeping thankfully ceases.

Kneads her eyes with the balls of her hands then moans as her stomach lurches horribly, she staggers to the bathroom to spend the next half an hour throwing up the previous night's alcohol. Feeling slightly less nauseous she cleans her teeth, gasping as Kakashi appears in the mirror behind her. Hand clutched to chest, she pushes past him back to the bedroom. He follows her silently leaning against the now open windowsill.

'Jesus Kakashi, you can't just come in here' she pulls open the cupboard, grabs a pair of pants and a shirt out to wear to work without really noticing what she pulls out.

'I'm surprised you're awake' he smirks, scratching his nose.

'You're the one bought over the clock and set the alarm' she picks up the blue clock from beside her bed and tosses it in his general direction. He snatches it from the air and sets it down on the bed.

'Nope, not me, sorry' he shrugs. 'I didn't think you would be up for work this morning, I thought the hang over might have kept you in bed, anyway a day off would do you good, you work too much' She stares at the mystery clock for a moment, interrupted from her musing by her sensei.

'What was that last night?' he springs on her, hands in pockets, then watches her reaction silently.

She freezes, clenching her teeth, bowing her head and ducking back into the bathroom to get changed. He caught her by surprise and the thoughts she had been carefully avoiding since she had awoken begin to sneak in.

_**See to internal bleeding first, then burns then bones….so much to do…heart beat so erratic, liquid in lungs, possible cranial haemorrhage.**_

'What happened?' he calls through the door as she pulls off her shirt to slip into the new one.

_**Screaming-his screaming through chapped bloody lips.**_

'Work stuff' she shouts back at him, new pants, left leg, right leg. Runs a brush through her pink hair, wash face, deodorant, make up, distractions, any distraction.

_**He gasps in pain as your chakra re-sets four of his ribs and re-inflates a punctured lung. Only whites showing as his eyes rolling back into his head.**_

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She opens the door, damn, he's still there, blocking the doorway now, he won't let her pass this time. Forehead protector pulled up, she wonders briefly if he will force the truth out of her if she keeps her mouth shut. She holds his gaze for a moment, jade green meeting one coal grey, one blood red.

**_The man has brown eyes, big beautiful brown eyes. You remember those eyes smiling at you as he laughs with Kakashi as they sneak you and your teammates your first ever drink at a bar. They aren't so beautiful now, blood shot from lack of sleep and burst blood vessels, so swollen you were surprised he could see at all._**

'Sakura…' He breaks the silence first.

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That's the first thing he says to you when he wakes up 'Sakura' …the only thing. He remembers you. He sounds …hopeless…hopeless and in pain, you wish you had just let him die, let him die and be in peace.**_

'Do you really want to know?' it's a stupid question, of course he does, even if he is better off not knowing, he cares about her, thinks he can help. He can't. If she turns him away now he would probably leave it. Leave it, but ask others some questions, follow the trail like the nin-dogs he loves so much. Not like Sasuke, who would not both to ask her in the first place, or Naruto….she cringes at the thought of him; her lost teammate. He would hound her and hound her until she was so fed up with him she wanted to beat him, then he would hound her some more until she told him what was bothering her. She brings her focus back to her Sensei, He would find out soon enough anyway, she thinks it would be cruel for him to find out his friends situation from someone else.

_**The interrogator smiles at you as he leads you down the hall. The walls here are thick, no one can hear your screams down here. Though that is probably the point, you muse. You ask why you're here, he tells you.**_

_**'This gentleman knows the location of some very important missing nins, he is not being ….co-operative.' You understand, or you think you do. **_

_**'They're going to torture him?' You ask, the interrogators smile widens,**_

_**'We already have', he answers, 'It didn't work, but it will' suddenly it strikes you, your part in this plan. It's your job to get him back to health so they torment and tease and bring him back to death again, try some other method, get every bit of truth from his bruised and battered body.**_

'Sakura, Tell me...please' he says in earnest.

'Kakashi…' her voice hitches in her throat; he places his hands on either side of her shoulders.

_**You've reached the room; they unlock the door for you. You enter and they lock it behind you. The man is stretched out on the stone floor, you gasp, hand to mouth, eyes wide, heart jumping out of your chest. You rush to his side, beneath the blood and the gore and pain you know him, you know….**_

'Genma' she tells him 'they have Genma'

'Who? Who has him?' his brows furrow, she can see in the back of his mind he is already planning rescue missions, tactics, but they're hopeless, all hopeless.

Her answers come easier now.

'Danzo and his men, for some reason they think he knows where Naruto is….where he has taken Tsunade- Shi-shous body' she stops, as Kakashi has frozen in place.

In that moment he too realizes the hopelessness of the situation, they're inability to fight against the Hokage. He knows, he knows his friend is lost to him, at the mercy of the power mad leader. His hand tighten around her arms, they hurt, but she says nothing, she is glad of the bruises later. Her voice is tight, but she continues.

'They're doing horrible things to him Kakashi, with knives and hot metal then water and needles…his needles, then when they get bored of that they beat him…beat him til he can't take anymore' the tears are threatening to return, so she swallows and pushes on 'then they leave him alone, in the cold…he was almost dead when I got there….they used me….to bring him back, so…so they can' she chokes, tears again, hot on her cheeks, she hates them 'so they can start again…until…-until they break him'

Kakashi's jaw is clenched so tight and for a moment she thinks he is about to loose it, break down, she almost wishes he would. She knows what Genma means to him, one of the only friends the jounin has left. He slowly pulls his hands away from her shoulders, later she can draw the outlines of his fingers left on her shoulders. She doesn't need to say it, Genma won't break, because he knows nothing, he is doomed for the continuous cycle he has be put through for goodness knows how long already. She hopes the stress causes his body to crash soon…for his sake.

Kakashi staggers back towards the window, she reaches out for him...wanting to offer some form of comfort. He ignores her, Pushes her hand away. Like that he is gone, without a backwards glance. She goes to follow him, but decides against it, if Kakashi wants to be alone, she will not find him. Instead she calmly wipes the tears from her eyes, slips on her shoes and goes to work, where she will go about her day as if nothing had happened, all the while in the back of her mind the screaming man haunts her, his screams they follow her as she smiles and treats her patients…..but you couldn't tell because that's what nins do.

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**Authors Notes:**

**More to come soon, badly made plans are regretted, angst (more of it omg) ensues. **

**Comments get cookies and cupcakes.**


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